Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
