RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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