I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
