New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
