Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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