Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
