i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
