he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
