dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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