I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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