Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
