the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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