He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
