I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
