This is not my ceiling
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
