her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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