I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
