I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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