Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
