laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
