If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
