I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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