You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
