A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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