WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
