do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
