Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
