i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
