You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
