and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
