I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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