My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
