not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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