why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
