its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
