Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
