He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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