Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
