I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
