if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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