Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
