The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
