Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
