oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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