we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
