Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
