why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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