Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk is not a location!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
