Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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