I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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