Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So much rum. So many feels.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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