I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
