you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
