I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
