Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
