Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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