jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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